Lately, I’ve been sitting with a feeling that doesn’t ask to be solved quickly.

It’s not loud grief.
Not heartbreak.
Not anger, exactly.

It’s more like discovering a small crack in a glass you’ve been drinking from every day. The glass still holds water. It hasn’t shattered. But once you’ve seen the crack, you can’t unsee it. You notice how you hold it differently now. A little more carefully. A little more consciously.

At the same time, my brain has been busy in the background. One of those seasons where there’s always something running in your head, even when you’re trying to rest. There’s an exam coming up. The kind that demands focus, discipline, and trust in the work you’ve already done. The pressure doesn’t always show up as stress. Sometimes it shows up as restlessness. Or overthinking. Or being awake when you should be asleep.

I’ve been learning that healing doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like noticing when your mind starts replaying old scenes and choosing not to engage with them. Sometimes it looks like admitting you’re tired of carrying something by yourself. Sometimes it looks like stopping mid spiral and letting the moment pass.

I think a lot of us grow up believing clarity comes all at once. That forgiveness is a switch. That trust is either there or it isn’t. But real life doesn’t work like that. It moves slower. It doubles back. It asks for patience.

There are days when I feel grounded and present. And there are days when an old memory surfaces without warning. Not because I want to go backward. But because the body remembers things the mind has already reasoned through.

I’m learning to meet those moments with curiosity instead of self criticism.

What are you reacting to right now?
What do you actually need?
Is this about today, or something older?

There’s strength in letting things stay unresolved for a while. In allowing understanding to form without forcing it. In choosing not to interrogate every feeling. In reminding myself that showing up, whether for relationships, for growth, or for an exam I’ve been preparing for quietly in the background, still counts as progress.

I don’t think the goal is to eliminate doubt entirely. I think the goal is learning how to respond when it appears. To stay honest. To stay kind. To stay anchored in what’s real now, not what once felt confusing.

So if you’re in a season where you’re rebuilding something without announcements or explanations, I see you. If you’re doing the internal work that no one else notices, it still matters.

Some things don’t need to be rushed into clarity.
Some things just need time to settle.

And maybe that’s enough for today.

Seventeen years ago, I started this blog not knowing exactly where it would take me. I just knew I needed a space to express myself, to feel seen, to connect. Back then, it was a little corner of the internet where I could be honest. Now, it’s become something much bigger. A witness to my growth, my heartbreaks, my little victories, and my many evolutions.

And just recently, I did something I’ve never done before. I had my first aerial show in Los Angeles. It was emotional, exhilarating, and deeply personal. For someone who’s always had their head in the clouds, being suspended midair in front of an audience was a surreal reflection of all the inner work I’ve been doing.

That night meant so much to me. Not just because it was my first show here, but because it came at a time when I was rebuilding parts of myself. A lot has shifted in my life lately. I’ve been learning to let go, to trust, to take up space. And to fly, both onstage and in my own story.

To everyone who came to the show, thank you. Your presence meant more than I can express. And to those who couldn’t make it but sent messages, encouragement, or love from afar, I felt you with me. I carried that support on stage.

Seventeen years of writing. Of living. Of becoming.

Here’s to staying soft, staying bold, and staying in flight even when the ground feels safer.

Thank you for being part of my journey.

Full video here.

And then, there are people who arrive quietly. Not to fix things. Not to stay forever. Just to sit beside you in the noise. Like a song that doesn’t demand to be heard but fills the space in just the right way.

Our story isn’t one for labels or headlines. It lives in the quiet corners. The unspoken ease. The knowing glances. It’s like finding shade on a hot day. You don’t need to ask for it, but you’re grateful it’s there.

He showed up after a long Monday. I was unraveling at the seams, and I told him I was. He came, not to solve anything, but just to be near. I didn’t realize how much I needed the comfort of a simple presence. We talked, shared quiet laughs, and let the closeness fill the space.

This connection isn’t built on promises or plans. It’s present. Honest. It breathes without asking for more. There’s something healing about that. About being with someone who doesn’t try to possess your time or your heart, but still holds space for you when you need it most.

I don’t know what chapter this is. Maybe it’s a poem tucked in between two big plot points. Maybe it’s a pause. Maybe it’s just what it is. Soft, fleeting, and real.

But for now, I’m thankful for a place to rest my heart. Even if just for a while.

Not all stories are meant to be novels; some are short, tender poems that stay with us anyway.

It’s kinda like tending to a garden that was never really yours. You water it, talk to the leaves, maybe even name a flower or two. And just when you start imagining how it might all grow… you realize. Oh. Right. This wasn’t mine to begin with.

I used to think being chosen was the ultimate goal. Like, once someone picked me, it would mean I’m finally enough. But maybe being chosen isn’t really about how lovable or amazing you are. Maybe it’s more about timing. Readiness. Two people wanting the same thing at the same time. And honestly? That part’s not always in our control.

Sometimes someone shows up and lights this little fire inside you. And for a second, it feels like a story is about to begin. But not all sparks turn into stars. And not every connection turns into us.

So what do you do when things don’t turn out the way you hoped?

You take a breath. You hold space for the feelings. You remind yourself that nothing real is ever wasted. Not the words, not the laughter, not even the quiet pauses.

You keep blooming anyway.

Because the story isn’t over. You’re still here, still growing, still full of heart. And maybe the next page brings someone who sees you clearly and chooses to stay. Not because they have to, but because they just do.

“The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms, and the bee comes.” – Mark Nepo

Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to write again. Maybe it’s the season. Maybe it’s because I missed writing a Valentine’s post, something I used to do almost religiously. I would rewatch Vicky Cristina Barcelona, finding myself resonating with different characters at different points in my life. Cristina, chasing passion. Vicky, seeking stability. Maria Elena, embracing chaos. Each stage, a reflection of my own journey.

But this year, Crazy, Stupid, Love feels like the movie I want to return to.

The Beauty in the Mess

There’s something about this film that hits differently as you get older. It’s not just about romance; it’s about love in its rawest, messiest form. The heartbreak, the self-discovery, the unexpected connections – all wrapped up in humor, charm, and that unforgettable Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone chemistry.

I think we all have that moment where we feel like Steve Carell’s character, Cal – a little lost, blindsided by life, trying to navigate heartbreak while rediscovering who we are. And then there’s Jacob, played by Ryan Gosling, who seems to have it all together until love flips his world upside down.

And then there’s Hannah.

Emma Stone has this magic of playing characters that are unordinary. A little quirky, a little offbeat, but always endearing. I’ve always related to that – never quite fitting into a mold, embracing my own version of unconventional. And in Crazy, Stupid, Love, she plays Hannah. My name. All the more reason I find myself drawn to her character. She’s smart, confident, and doesn’t fall for Jacob’s usual smooth moves. She makes him work for it. And in the end, she’s the one who turns his world around.

A New Valentine’s Tradition?

Maybe Crazy, Stupid, Love should be my yearly Valentine’s watch. A reminder that love isn’t always what we expect. That heartbreak doesn’t mean the end. That even in our most broken moments, we can find humor, growth, and, dare I say, hope.

So here I am, writing again. Using this space as an outlet, just like I always have. If you haven’t rewatched Crazy, Stupid, Love in a while, maybe it’s time. Maybe we’ll all find a little something new in it every year.

What’s your go-to Valentine’s movie?

When I’m not posting updates, it usually means I’m out and about, chasing new goals. Isn’t that what life is all about? The constant pursuit of growth and discovery. Since we last connected, my world has transformed in incredible ways: a new home, a new country, a new continent, a new school, a new job, and new acquaintances.

My perspective on life has evolved, too. If you remember, Donald Trump once referred to Taylor Swift as a “childless catlady.” Well, in some ways, I find myself embracing that label, too. I used to be hyper-focused on my personal goals, but I began to feel that there was more to life than just self-improvement.

So, I decided to make a change. I packed my bags and started anew. There’s always room for a fresh start, right? This time around, I’ve shifted my focus to volunteering and immersing myself in diverse cultures and communities. I can honestly say that life has never been more peaceful. When you redirect your attention from yourself to how you can contribute to the world, it’s amazing how fulfilling life can become.

I know, my thoughts might seem deep for the middle of the night, but this reflective state always sparks inspiration. It’s in these quiet moments that I realize the joy of being part of something bigger than myself. It’s about creating, contributing, and making a difference.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life is a continuous journey of reinvention. By stepping outside our comfort zones and focusing on the impact we can make, we open ourselves up to endless possibilities. So, whether you’re in the midst of your own midnight musings or simply navigating through daily life, remember that every new beginning holds the promise of growth and discovery.

Here’s to embracing change, finding peace in new experiences, and contributing to something greater than ourselves. After all, that’s the true game of life.

Why am I still writing?

It’s the same reason why I started in the first place: I do it for me.

It is a great outlet for me to share my creativity and induce positive influence on anyone who stumbles upon my blog. But mostly, I find it therapeutic to express myself in the art of writing, photos, and videos.

I tried to make a career out of it, albeit a successful one but hard to manage. It is a very dynamic career when you have good profitable days and worrisome months. This blog existed first before my Facebook profiles, Instagram, and Twitter. Many things have changed but this blog remains.

So, what have we been up to?

I am mostly living my second life. I am able to forgive other people, so why not look inward and work on forgiving myself for some horrible choices I made throughout these years? It’s not easy, but sometimes hitting a reset button is all you need.

I feel like everything is fresh and new and I appreciate the breeze of fresh air every time I do my hikes. Yes, it has been a new routine for me. I hike at least twice a week. I got back on my workout clothes and began training for aerial again. I’ve taken advantage of the summer season and spent multiple days on a beach, doing road trips, and this time being a passenger princess to boot. I am now looking forward to experiencing my first fall season. I’ve never experienced it my whole life and sometimes I think people take for granted how beautiful nature operates.

I love the freedom of being able to pursue my own passions again. I look at myself in the mirror and see a more accurate version of myself. Happier, less stressed, waking up daily with a purpose. I did write in my private journal about all the things I was going through and working on. It was worth one full year of write-ups lol. But that helped me process things.

I am grateful. For family and friends who are there for me through all seasons. I am grateful for this blog for where many things sprouted from. I am glad I still have this outlet when social media became too much.

Cheers to our big whys!

Friendships often come into our lives through fated encounters, bringing together souls destined to meet. These connections can bring immense joy, growth, and understanding, impacting our hearts. Goodbyes may be bittersweet, but by shifting our perspectives and embracing them with gratitude, we can focus on the beautiful moments shared and the lessons learned together. Although physical distance may separate us, the spirit of friendship can thrive through heartfelt messages, regular catch-ups, and shared memories. We can celebrate milestones, support each other’s dreams, and offer words of encouragement, keeping the flame of friendship alive.

True friendships are resilient, and their essence continues to enrich our lives, even as we navigate different paths. May we always cherish the connections we have made and carry the warmth of friendship with us, celebrating the bonds that endure.

As I reflect on my past experiences in dating, I can’t help but think that there are so many nuances, expectations, and traditions that people seem to be unaware of. That’s why I’ve decided to start writing blog posts about these lessons that I’ve learned over the years. One such lesson is the importance of bringing flowers to someone you are dating when they are performing on stage. While it may seem like a small gesture, it can mean so much to the person you are dating. Unfortunately, not everyone is aware of this tradition, and I’ve personally experienced feeling left out when my dates didn’t bring me flowers while other performers received them. While it may seem silly or shallow, it’s a tradition that can make someone feel special and appreciated, and it’s worth sharing.

It’s not about the material value of the flowers themselves, but rather the thoughtfulness and support behind them. It can be a small gesture that goes a long way in making someone feel loved and appreciated. Whether it’s a dance recital, theater performance, or music gig, a bouquet of flowers can be a wonderful way to show your support and admiration.

Here are some tips on how to do it right:

1. Choose the right flowers: Consider the occasion, the person’s favorite colors, and the type of performance they are giving when choosing flowers. Avoid anything too strong-smelling or distracting, as it may interfere with the performance. Roses, lilies, and daisies are popular choices that are both beautiful and appropriate.
2. Timing is key: Make sure to arrive early enough to catch your date before the show starts.  If you can’t, you can always arrange to leave the flowers with the box office or stage manager to be delivered backstage. Just make sure to include a note with your name and a message of encouragement. You can also give the flowers at the end of the show because it might be distracting for the performer.
3. Be discreet: While it’s a lovely gesture to bring flowers, it’s important not to make a spectacle of yourself. Keep your interaction brief and don’t disrupt the show. After the performance, you can give your date a big hug and congratulate them on a job well done.
4. Consider other ways to show support: If bringing flowers isn’t practical or appropriate, consider other ways to show your support. A thoughtful text message or a small gift can be just as meaningful.

Remember, the most important thing is to show your date that you are proud of them and excited to see them perform. With a little thought and consideration, bringing flowers can be a beautiful way to express your feelings.

Hope that helps! ^_^

Dear readers, if I still have any ;),

I write again as I try to offload some thoughts in my brain during this eight-hour flight from Honolulu to Seoul. It’s the fourth hour of my flight and my mindset right now is way so much better than eight days ago.

For this flight, I don’t feel alone anymore. I am reminded that I have company of friends, family, God and even a ghost or an entity from another dimension. Let me tell you all about that.

First of all, I want to share that because I have offloaded some unproductive activities in my life, I was more in-tune with my own energy. Presumably, I also became sensitive to the energies surrounding me.  Hawaii + Friends is a good formula for healing, right? Of course the trip won’t be possible without the support of my family. With that said, and stress was less, I was able to focus more on healing. I was more receptive to God talking to me through other people. I had two car-riding drivers (one in Hawaii, one in PH) who reached out and prayed for me because they felt a solemn whisper saying to do so.

Another thing that happened was kind of creepy, but also a revelation to myself that I am way so much stronger than I thought I was. I don’t like watching horror movies, at least by myself, because I get scared easily. So I really thought I’m weak in spirit. But no.

On my first night at the hotel I’m staying at, the radio turned on while I was using the toilet. I brushed it off thinking it may have a pre-programmed alarm to turn on the radio at a certain time. It was 12:09 midnight and I am alone in my room. I slept well that night, lights on of course. If I’m by myself, I leave the lights on when I sleep, and the TV too.

The next day, I woke up at 5am because we had an early hike. We got done and had lunch and then my friends dropped me off to my hotel so we can take a nap before we surf in the afternoon. 

It was 1pm, I was trying to sleep, but the phone in my room had the loudspeaker turned on and I hear the dial tone… Creepy but maybe it’s just fluctuation in electrical current, who knows. I just hang up the phone, went back to trying to go to sleep.  After 5 minutes, the loud speaker turned on again! This happened 4 times and I got up and I spoke verbally in my room, “Please find another room because you are not welcome here right now. I need to sleep.” Interestingly, it stopped! 

I called the maintenance still, they couldn’t find anything wrong with it. I didn’t unplug the phone because there might be an emergency or some other important thing so I left it connected and plugged.

I told my friends about this during dinner and my friend’s mom told me to get salt and put it around the 4 corners of the room, and that I did.

It never bothered me after that, until the final hour of my stay there. I was packing my things and it turned on again, just once this time. I said, give me a few minutes and I will leave. I prayed the Guardian Angel prayer. Then I said this when I left the room for checkout, “You can have the room again because I am leaving. I am not allowing you to follow me, you can have the room.”

I’m feeling a bit proud of myself. I have proven to myself that I am brave. That I can take care of myself and project good energy to dispel any negative ones.

It also helps that I have been feeling better about my situation. I planned to do a social media break with no deadline. I was surprised that 5 days in the trip, I felt ready to post again. It basically means, I feel ready to take another step. 

And here I am. 

100% still me. Still complete by myself just like before. Bruised, not broken. When the situation changed because of something out of my control, I’ve become better at accepting that, knowing I always tried to do my part.

And so, I found peace in that.

It’s strength I got from learning how to value myself over the years.

If you are reading this and you feel astray, go back to you. Start with the person in front of the mirror. Listen to what it has to say, then work on what your heart desires.

If I can do it, so can you.

Xoxo,

Flair