Boredom- I Just Feel Like Writing Again

It’s 9:45 pm on a Tuesday.

And I’m thinking, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” Not literally of course. (In case my mom is reading this).

It’s a proverb that means “When one is unoccupied or has nothing to do, one is more likely to cause or get into trouble.”

Think about that time when you got into trouble, and what were you doing before that. Were you bored?

I don’t like getting bored. I always try to make use of my time into something productive, or fun. So, it’s either me thinking of doing another “venture”, or just grinding a game. Doing the former could get really exhausting. Rewards are great when I am successful at it, and many things have sprung from it. I was able to get into Social Media before people know what it is, create this ancient (14-year-old) blog, had a TV show, appear in local and regional magazines and newspapers. What can I ask for? At a young age, I have achieved many things beyond my wildest imagination, most of them sprung from boredom. But, going this route also drained my energy over time.

So, another way to get out of boredom is to play. I’ve been doing a lot of this lately. Even if people call it “play” or it’s just a game, I have made it so much more meaningful not only to me but also to my team. We went deep into eSports with our PUBG team DPT. I went all out into streaming games. I worked hard, eventually became a Twitch Partner. It was really great. “Play” time became productive time too because I was earning from streaming. We were also building our gaming community.

Boredom.

Loneliness?

Put them in a graph, do they complement each other?

I guess sometimes they do cross paths.

I don’t think that’s how I feel right now. I’m neither bored nor lonely. As I write this blog, I’m trying to figure out my feels. Maybe I publish this, maybe I won’t. I think I feel worried.

Worried.

Why? Oh, the last year has been very challenging for everyone. This year should be better.

But today, I feel worried. And it does not feel good. I do all I can to make everyone feel comfortable, especially the people I care about. When I feel like I’m losing these people, it makes me worry a lot. It does not feel good knowing that someone can slip out of your life because of what you said. Well then, we gotta be careful with what we say. Maybe, keep it to yourself. Forget expressing how you feel.

Can you do that? Can I do that?

I can hide it for a while, but something in me always brings it out. Maybe at the worst timing. Does that happen to you too?

Saying the truth and unloading emotions to someone else is like white water rafting. You can either go with the flow, go against the current, and risk toppling over. It is also LOUD. The argument is so loud you could barely hear each other. Maybe you were not concerned about “really” listening because you are more focused on navigating the waters when all you needed to do is try to listen to the other person who probably is telling you the best way to navigate the rummaging waters. At the end of the day, you really don’t care about the current, the boat, the water’s roar, nor the destination even. All you care about is the person you are with. Nothing else matters.

So then my friends…

Cheers to boredom. It made me write this blog post.

Happy Birthday to this blog also, it just turned 14 years old last May 1. Yaye!