Hey guys! I’m free-writing for now. Meaning, I don’t have any structure to this blog post. It’s all about my free-flowing thoughts that I type into writing. I miss doing this. This was how I started my blogging back in 2008. I wrote like it was my personal diary, but for all to see.
I want to review my 2016, so I can pursue with a better year ahead for 2017. So many things have happened, and while I lost so many things in 2016, I gained in experience.
2016 was quite a hectic year for me. I got involved in so many things. This involved me becoming the liaison for our pole summer show, having a new job at a big company, realizing I grew another fibroadenoma leading to my 2nd cancer scare and of course, quitting my job and focusing on YouTube during my break.
Can’t do this without REAL friends
2016 was a very trying year. I realized that I made bad decisions in 2015 that made my 2016 suffer. One of the greatest things I realized in 2016 is my relationship with people. I am always known to be this bubbly human being trying to light up any situation wherever I am. For some reason, I realized that when the environment is too dark, I lose my flicker as well. I thought I had a lot of friends! Sometimes, on a Friday or Saturday night, I get torn between which friend groups I would spend my time with. Life is happening! yaye!!! I do my best to always be with them, when they need me etc. Especially when I promise to help, I really oblige.
But when things get serious like my recent cancer scare, I realized that only a handful of my friends reached out to me. Just because I act like everything is fine (a defense mechanism maybe) doesn’t mean I am not afraid for my life. When people ask me, “Are you okay?” I instantly bubble up and say “I’m okay!” with smiley face and all. But deep inside, I am just trying not to burst to tears.
People would also think, “It’s nothing it’s just a lump,” or “Why is she making a big deal out of it?” First of all, this lump is a tumor. The word tumor is frightening by itself. Second, this grew twice inside me and that is freakin scary for me. Third, although it is benign, it could either act like cancer still, or grow and mutate some more.
I decided to no longer invest time on people who don’t really care and make more quality time with those who care instead. Quality over quantity. 😉
The only way to defeat the enemy is to know the enemy. And so I took Nutrition course from Stanford and Biology of Cancer from John Hopkins University. I love the internet and it’s power to educate! I just finished these courses in December and I can now fight this battle confidently. I can do this!
This is self-explanatory. No one wants to be at the losing end of double standards. In my end, I made sacrifices and have forgone my personal effects just so I fulfill my commitments. I don’t even want to elaborate.
I learn from all this. I am happy that I have convinced myself to be a little bit selfish from time to time. To think about myself. To help myself instead of helping other people. This is when candy goes a little bit sour, but I need this. I need to be more giving to myself. It is friends and family who made me realize this. That is my vow for 2017.
Enough. I say “no” now. It feels so good! In tagalog “Wala ako na pala sa mga pinag-gagawa ko.” (I did not gain anything from the things I did for other people). I am not trying to win anything, I just want to focus on myself and my plans moving forward
I am at this point in life where I have to plan not only for my future but for my family-to-be. Less travels for me in 2017. I only have 2 major travels planned out. I am trying to save now for bigger things in life.
I am grateful for all that I learned during 2016. I learned how to get out of misery. I have found myself, again. This is the most important thing about life, we must always move forward.
Phew! Writing this down really feels good! Things have changed since the first time I blogged in 2008. In 2008, my real identity was not connected to “flaircandy.” To the world wide web, flaircandy is just another human being, anonymous and free. First people who ever read my blogs were strangers. Strangers who can relate to me.
Now, you write something in Social Media, you get criticized for it. That’s why I love blogs. Only people who really care to read, are here. Sad thing is, you can’t be “truly” yourself in Social Media anymore without affecting other aspects of your life.
Blog is still love. And vlog too, check out my youtube channel where I post lifestyle changes I have made to make myself better.
My plans for 2017. Love myself. Make time for myself. Learn new skills. Grow money. Love more. Know when to say No.
That’s it 🙂 I always provoke this happy-go-lucky vibe, but I’m also human and I have feelings like this. Feel free to subscribe, or unsubscribe 🙂 It is a free world <3