Four hours done, another eight to go. I’m counting down the hours until I land in a place full of Pokes and pineapples. I thought traveling was a good idea to escape my current environment. I forgot the part where I have to be out of touch from anyone because I have to turn on Airplane Mode. These past few days, I’ve been reaching out to friends, scheduled zoom calls with them even. I want to reconnect and learn from people. I’ve been disconnected with myself and have been feeling a void – a void I want to learn how to fill by myself. Being alone while trying to figure out how to go about what I’m going through is not helping my brain cells apparently! Brilliantly flawed plan Hannah! Haha.
Everyone goes through this period where they need a fresh view. It could be for any reason, mine being, I feel like my physical space just got bigger but empty. I have no drive to do the things that I was constantly doing before like playing strategy games, farming for my crypto investments, making videos and posting on social media. The one thing that is keeping me going is coming back to dance again and be in touch with my closest friends and family.
I’ve been re-evaluating my place in this world. With dreams accomplished and bucket lists ticked, I’m seeking for another purpose. One I will be able to do by myself. My friend and former partner for an esports team asked me to go out with him and his girlfriend yesterday. After 5 tequilas I was surprised I was sober as a little girl drinking milk. Weird, my body is going through changes and I’m noticing every single new thing my body does. Getting back to my point, we talked a bit about business and this sparked some interest in my hyperactive brain.
And so, I’m trying to figure out what to do next. Because the only way I will feel better is if I work on something and progress each day. I’ll take it one day at a time. Like how my only goal yesterday was to prepare a breakfast that I can finish eating. My goal the day before that is to be able train at the studio once a week. Today’s goal apparently is about survival, lol. I am forced to deal with my thoughts, without talking to anyone. It was chaotic at first. my first flight which lasted for four hours made me feel claustrophobic towards the end, almost vomiting. Now, I’m at my third hour of eight, and I feel better, because I am writing.
Writing is my answer to everything. It has helped me over the years.
I also got in touch with my friend who is a life coach. She has helped me get in control of my mind. Basically, it’s easier to control your actions but we all know that our mind is the driver. So if you condition your mind to see a different perspective, or train it how to process thoughts and feelings, then you solved the root problem rather than just controlling your actions.
She told me to practice welcoming feelings of the present, like gratitude. I’m grateful for friends, family, and this blog.
I’m also trying to find a long-term solution to my current dilemma. Band-aids are not helpful because they are temporary. Wounds need proper diagnosis and care.
Blogs are dead. I don’t expect anyone to read this. But if you made it this far, thank you.