Depression

Depression: An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts, that affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself, and the way one thinks about things.

Major depression causes a combination of symptoms that interfere with the ability to work, study, sleep, eat, and enjoy once pleasurable activities.

– medterms.com

I looked into the scientific definition of depression to know if I have one right now. Based above, I think I have a light depression. I don’t know why and I could not explain. There are just some days where I feel this way.

I usually feel light about everything even if all is not well. I think positive always and I drive passion for other people lacking it. But the thing is, sometimes I think I just have to let go and feel the whole honesty of my true emotions.

Yes, today I felt it all. Not knowing the reason or cause I just felt heavy, incomplete and alone. My morning started with me having a follow-up appointment with my doctor about my breast surgery. I just felt anxious about the scar I’m going to have because my would didn’t heal beautifully. Afternoon came and still I was well.

Then, I looked into the mirror and I just felt unusually ugly. I sat down by my bed and I felt uncomfortable with my tight jeans. Then I looked at my skin and I just don’t like its texture. Suddenly, all that I could think of was the negativity.

I don’t know how to heal myself now. I tried to blog to express my feelings to make it all go away. I am not expressive of my emotions and I don’t know the best outlet for it. Sometimes, I want to be an actress. I could enact the life of a fictional or true character. Then, If I could relate with the role, I could act naturally and express my true feelings without them knowing that it’s not just acting, but it is me.